Absent Texts
So, I hate blind dates enough, but when you couple that with a blind date who flaked, it just irritates me like nothing else. You know, I took time aside from my busy VLOG and retail businesses - and my Netflix drama time - to talk to you on the phone, and set up a date. My friend vetted you. I vetted you. There was a lot of vetting happening. . . Therefore, men, you should give ample reason if you don't follow through.
Also, I can also explain how you can not cancel a date on the same day that it's going to happen, but that's for another time.
Anyway, so, this vetted guy talked to me for about an hour on the phone. He seemed . . interesting enough, and I thought that I was really bringing my A game, but maybe not? Maybe he was intimidated? I have no idea.
Anyway, we were going to do lunch the next day, and come the next day I get no text. We spoke about maybe wine tasting, so I texted him around 12:30. "I haven't heard from you. Did you still want to go wine tasting?" Nothing. I never received a text again from this man. Not a single peep. And men . . that's very rude. Just so you know . . you just say "no, thank you". You should not ignore people completely. It is beyond insulting.
And the REASON why you don't want to ignore people is . . Because . . THIS CAN HAPPEN TO YOU! :D
If you are a man who just flaked on the date and it's been a few days, you might start getting weird texts or calls. The first text might say something like, "I hope you are alive and well. Now, go in peace my son." When you do not reply to that, you may get another one saying, "I'm about 50% sure that you have died." . . . I did chuckle once I had hit send on that one. Come on! That's comic gold. Anyway, once again, there was no response. Man. What a tough room!! I was hoping for maybe an "LOL from the grave". Tsk tsk. Nothin'. Not even a zombie reference.
So, a few days later I am home alone and I'm bored. I decide that I am just going to fill up his phone. What shall I use? How about texts and photos of care and disability centers, and maybe funeral homes where he might have to go if he were in fact in an accident.
Now, I know that I have a limited window in which to do this. Because, once he starts getting hoards of messages, he's going to block the number. Right?
So, I have to plan for this! And it has to be awesome . . . . . And, I don't know exactly how far into the joke to go, but eh, I don't really know him . . So, I can't lose. Right?! Anything is fair game.
Men can be thoughtless, and so . . . . I see NO reason to show mercy! :D
So, I preset all the jokes up in a blog page and get ready to fire them at him - all at once - preferably during work or something - so that he can't reply - and/or doesn't have time to block them.
The following texts are prepared:
Oh dear! I'm still worried about you. I haven't heard a peep.
Maybe you want to stay alone for a while, in which case you're going to need the crazy cat guy starter kit: http://www.thebemusing.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/99385-crazy-cat-lady-starter-kit-Q9r7.jpg
But maybe you only like goth kittens?
http://25.media.tumblr.com/1979d6a8576f387e29e5793b7c0966bf/tumblr_metlecXV0y1r45099o1_400.gif
Maybe you just need an ice cream to relax and realize that life is like a box of chocolates:
http://www.coldstonecreamery.com/stores/20711
Maybe you need an ACTUAL box of chocolates?
http://msutoday.msu.edu/_/img/assets/2014/chocolates_tsdlg.jpg
Maybe what you really need is a puppy:
https://c1.staticflickr.com/5/4112/5170590074_714d36db83_b.jpg
Or a cheesecake:
http://strawberrysue.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Strawberry-Cheesecake-with-Strawberry-Syrup.jpg
Well, I'm beginning to think you were in an accident, so here is a care center if you were actually injured or disabled: https://www.care.com/b/l/hospice-paso-robles/paso-robles-ca
I hope you've enjoyed your torture. Just imagine the mean things that I could have said, instead of sending you kittens. But you know what? I'm not going to sink to your level. I'm fun and wild, but my torture has limits. Maybe you should think about that, while you think about all the women that you tortured and weren't so nice to. I'm sure they would have appreciated a SIMPLE TEXT BACK!
Also, I can also explain how you can not cancel a date on the same day that it's going to happen, but that's for another time.
Anyway, so, this vetted guy talked to me for about an hour on the phone. He seemed . . interesting enough, and I thought that I was really bringing my A game, but maybe not? Maybe he was intimidated? I have no idea.
Anyway, we were going to do lunch the next day, and come the next day I get no text. We spoke about maybe wine tasting, so I texted him around 12:30. "I haven't heard from you. Did you still want to go wine tasting?" Nothing. I never received a text again from this man. Not a single peep. And men . . that's very rude. Just so you know . . you just say "no, thank you". You should not ignore people completely. It is beyond insulting.
And the REASON why you don't want to ignore people is . . Because . . THIS CAN HAPPEN TO YOU! :D
If you are a man who just flaked on the date and it's been a few days, you might start getting weird texts or calls. The first text might say something like, "I hope you are alive and well. Now, go in peace my son." When you do not reply to that, you may get another one saying, "I'm about 50% sure that you have died." . . . I did chuckle once I had hit send on that one. Come on! That's comic gold. Anyway, once again, there was no response. Man. What a tough room!! I was hoping for maybe an "LOL from the grave". Tsk tsk. Nothin'. Not even a zombie reference.
So, a few days later I am home alone and I'm bored. I decide that I am just going to fill up his phone. What shall I use? How about texts and photos of care and disability centers, and maybe funeral homes where he might have to go if he were in fact in an accident.
Now, I know that I have a limited window in which to do this. Because, once he starts getting hoards of messages, he's going to block the number. Right?
So, I have to plan for this! And it has to be awesome . . . . . And, I don't know exactly how far into the joke to go, but eh, I don't really know him . . So, I can't lose. Right?! Anything is fair game.
Men can be thoughtless, and so . . . . I see NO reason to show mercy! :D
So, I preset all the jokes up in a blog page and get ready to fire them at him - all at once - preferably during work or something - so that he can't reply - and/or doesn't have time to block them.
The following texts are prepared:
Oh dear! I'm still worried about you. I haven't heard a peep.
Maybe you want to stay alone for a while, in which case you're going to need the crazy cat guy starter kit: http://www.thebemusing.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/99385-crazy-cat-lady-starter-kit-Q9r7.jpg
But maybe you only like goth kittens?
http://25.media.tumblr.com/1979d6a8576f387e29e5793b7c0966bf/tumblr_metlecXV0y1r45099o1_400.gif
Maybe you just need an ice cream to relax and realize that life is like a box of chocolates:
http://www.coldstonecreamery.com/stores/20711
Maybe you need an ACTUAL box of chocolates?
http://msutoday.msu.edu/_/img/assets/2014/chocolates_tsdlg.jpg
Maybe what you really need is a puppy:
https://c1.staticflickr.com/5/4112/5170590074_714d36db83_b.jpg
Or a cheesecake:
http://strawberrysue.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Strawberry-Cheesecake-with-Strawberry-Syrup.jpg
Well, I'm beginning to think you were in an accident, so here is a care center if you were actually injured or disabled: https://www.care.com/b/l/hospice-paso-robles/paso-robles-ca
I hope you've enjoyed your torture. Just imagine the mean things that I could have said, instead of sending you kittens. But you know what? I'm not going to sink to your level. I'm fun and wild, but my torture has limits. Maybe you should think about that, while you think about all the women that you tortured and weren't so nice to. I'm sure they would have appreciated a SIMPLE TEXT BACK!
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